Thoughts from a soggy mind - best served Cold

Sighs…duno y everytime v approach a holiday, v cud hardly wait 4it 2finally arrive and yet when itz finally here, itz an anticlimax? Maybe cuz d week b4 hols is alwiz an exam week so by d time d hols do come, all i wana do is sleep n sleep for d 1st 2 days…BUT after tht it gets kinda boring especially when stupid streamyx is down! Its an eternal sin 2provide such shoddy service to the extent tht ppl cant log on 2their msn..juz plain STUPID. n yet they’ve bin allowed 2monopolize d broadband service in msia….

Anywae…2mr i’l hv2 wake up freaking early n thn drag myself 2masjid negara 2get in2 a goodness-knows-what-kinda bus n go 2pahang 4tht BTN camp..bin doin plenty of thinking for d past few days n i STILL kenot comprehend y v nid 2go tht far…seriously, am i that stupid? ish…gota examine my brain. Hurm…but den i guess i shudnt complain too much le…itz not like i hv2 wear baju kurung 4five days like d gals rite? I must be grateful tht i’m just stuck wif white t-shirts =P

Can’t wait for 6th June cuz thtz when i’ll FINALLY get to go bac 2teluk intan! Yay!! Thanks 2btn of cuz…my heart’s pounding wif excitement at d thought of finally reaching home n meeting up wif old friends (wait for me guys!) =)

Rite…so itz off 2 a world wif no internet (nopes, not even dialup) or astro for five days (but den, itz not like there’s much on astro nowadays)…hopefully i’ll survive amidst all d kind of feel-good stuff they’re gona incorporate in2 us. Yea rite…maybe i’m juz stubborn but i still dun think v’ll get more partriotic by having five days of our hols shaved off, spent in pahang when it could and should have bin in taylor’s (MPH or even DR2 wud suffice for all those lectures and tests la…do v reali need an NS camp???- d num of hours u spend travellin can accommodate at least three lecture sessions)

Good luck everyone…cya at masjid negara!

p/s : my unc said tht itz one hell of a bloody jam at masjid negara in d morning..i wonder y dey set such a pickup point…well, gota c for myself whether they’ve improved d road conditions…

Ahh…at last, itz da hols! Well, an ‘implicit’ holiday, at least..arghh..btr dun talk using any math terms ady, Hate that ppr! Anyway: a quick summary of d events since my outburst lastweek (refer to my previous post).

Monday : Still brimming wif anger but managed to channel it in2 positive energy for d chem exam. Ppr wasnt easy but i THINK i did well gua? Haha..d oni thg is i wrote "Continued on page 10" for my essay when d original page WAS page 10! Hope Ms Kwa wont minus my communication mark for tht =(

Tues : Maths studies…image of Mr Munin kept looming in my mind…juz wad wud he tell my parents if i din do well? I could imagine it…"Your son hardly talks in class, he appears not to have learnt his lesson, NOT A20 quality, if he’s a top performer….blah blah blah" Omg..n i used like a ton of liquid paper! But den…hopefully ok la.

Wed : No paper. Had a day off 2prepare for two papers d nex day..wahlau.. anywae, i did spend d day sumwat productively. managed 2get phy revision done, n of cuz spent sum time worryin bout other important stuff..but i DIDNT lose concentration on d exam, must reward myself ltr!*hehex*

Thurs : ESL n Physics! First was d stupid extended response which din seem 2hv enuf points 2extract…aih, juz did my best la. n how i wished it was d public transport ques tht i did in my mock test which came out.still,it was WAY btr than physics! OMG…wad was tht cyclotron ques again? kenot blif i was stumped by a 1930s creation! Still, it looks like i din lose too many marks cuz got tis nice thg called Error Carried Forward in SAM! Tht’s like d oni thg i love bout sam exams! AND, the MOST important thg was sumthing which happened at 6sth-7sth (exact time not sure, it was juz too stunning). Drumroll please…. Sunset + Rain! Wheeee! Haha..it was basically orange rain from my bedroom window and purple from my balcony…wif white n bluish lightning! Ahh..wad a gorgeous sight n i’m glad d beautiful moment was not experienced by me alone…Plus i was reali wornout ady after d brain+morale sapping physics (i’m no physics genius) so d stunning sight reali recharged my batteries for one last hurdle =)

Friday : One last paper - Biology. Hurm..how to say r? Essay n objective were ok (altho i’ve definitely got one objective wrong) n majority of SA ques were gd…until d sucker punch came in d form of EXPERIMENT!!! OMG! Wad was dat ques all about? stupid graph wif stupid point leading to a stupid debate within me whether it shud b sinusoidal or quadratic…finally settled on quadratic by missing sum points..dun care wrong anot la, shape of graph is 1mark oni rite? At long last d ppr was handed in and we’re FREE! Yay!

Well well…at long last d hols r here but i’m not exactly enjoyin it le. Y? Well, no matter how patriotic u r, u just WONT enjoy havin ur hols split in2 half by a five day camp in Pahang in which there’s nth but group discussions n paperwork. Hello? That can be done in MPH, no? PLUS d fact tht 3rd June which is d middle of d camp is Agong’s Bday which shud b observed as a public holiday in honour of d King right?So….aiya, duwan complain ady la. juz go attend it since i signed d contract.hv2 fulfil my obligations rite?

So…happy hols! Blog more wen free =)

Right…itz 3days b4 midyear n i’m actuali thinking of something else. Oh well.i guess it’z alrite to juz let off steam for a while, no?

I guess itz perfectly normal for teens @ young adults to be in a relationship/ have had a relationship/ wanna b in one.. but for every sweet and beautiful relationship, there’s always a broken one too.. and itz d latter tht’s served me up wif some surprising(n annoying) insights.

Nowadays..whenever v fail in love (breakup or get rejected), d maxim is to move on. V tell ourselved tht v’re adults, n d most sensible and rational thg 2do is to realize tht there’re loads of gals out there who deserve our attention as well, no point dwelling on d past, yada yada…

Yes i agree moving on is d right thing to do. But are some of us trying too hard 2b adult-like? Case in point: a guy "falls in love" wif a gal, gives up a month ltr n moves on , falls for another but barely 3 months ltr he gives up again. Goes in2 a relationship wif another gal (d 3rd one now) days ltr and bout a month ltr, due to some problems, they break up. he "mourns" for awhile, and 2months ltr, he’s already "in love" with another (d 4ht one, in case u’ve lost count)!

Unbelieveable? Fantastic? Whole piece of shit, in my opinion. Pardon d harsh language. But this kinda ppl r seriously kidding themselves n insulting d intelligence of ppl around them when they claim tht they’re in love. Tell me, is it humanely possible for someone to fall in love, breakup/get rejected, move on and fall in love again not once but FOUR times in something less than 10 months?

It’s an abject abuse of the words "fall in love" and "move on" cause it just isnt true anyway…these r exactly d kind of ppl who think of excuses to justify their actions and not think whether their actions r justified before acting.

To what extent do v move on that it becomes a game? A game that’s an abomination of love? I think d above is d perfect example..u supposedly "fall in love" wif sum1( preferably pretty of course), then when u get rejected or just plain ignored, go 4d next prettiest or d1 who’s most likely to accept u. and even when in a relationship, there’s always d nex beauty who comes along n turns ur head, so u breakup n "move on", no? A whole lot of crap, and itz SAD tht there’s LOADS of such guys around. Just how they can kid themselves into believing tht they’re in love is beyond my comprehension : surely, if u like someone enough to love her, u just dun ‘transfer’ those emotions to another and another and another and another in such a short period of time? Itz not stuff like money!

Itz such ppl who reali make d world such a sick place to live in. D thing is, they dun realize that in trying too hard to act like adults, they’ve exposed their childishness completely. And it’s realli sad when it’s not 15, 16 year olds who are "still kids" but 18 year olds who’re "mature" who do so.

Midyear’s coming and everyone’s stressed out..it’s understandable reali wif so much at stake.. i’m kinda feeling d heat as well, but at least i’m compensating it wif sum kinda quiet determination to do well. Still..can’t help but worry bout my frens who’re seriously stressed out. well, here’s a song for u guys!

Hold On

By Good Charlotte

This world, this world is cold
But you don’t, you don’t have to go
You’re feeling sad, you’re feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
Your mother’s gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know

Your days, you say they’re way too long
And your nights, you can’t sleep at all
Hold on
And you’re not sure what you’re waiting for
But you don’t want to know more
You’re not sure what you’re looking for
But you don’t want to know more

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching it’s not over
Hold on

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you’re doing to me?
Go ahead…what are you waiting for?

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching it’s not over

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Hold on

So…to everyone, all the best and dun giv up! No matter how horrifying it’s gona b, v’re all gona do well rite? All the best!

*Worry worry*

The rain was horrible today…got drenched like mad, by da time i got back to ridzuan i was wetter thn a fish in water. Add worries into the equation and it wasn’t the best afternoon ever. Still, i’ve alwiz enjoyed rainy afternoons. It’s juz that the situation this time was rather different ( y couldnt it rain like 2 hours ltr?) Anywae…2day was teacher’s day at taylors…sori 2say tht i din join in da celebrations =p had to do my bio HA and then find sum books 2study durin da weekend..

Which brings me to the next thg : midyears! It’s staring us in d face ady n all i’ve done so far is chemistry..i wonder if i’m on track? well, my schedule says i am so i guess i shud stop worrying, no?  and by tht i mean reali stop worrying..sumtimes i do wonder what it takes to grow up? what constitutes being "grown up" anyway? being able to put stuff out of ur head, i suppose? still..cant help but feel that’s a lil out of my capacity. does tht mean i’m not mature enuf? probably..but i’ve alwiz felt tht bein caring is a virtue..all the same, at this stage i shud care more bout my books huh?

I finished my eap drama script tonite! took me 3 hours…but it was worth it (i hope). Juz wish tht itz not too long.. a 7-page script for a 10-min drama seems a lil long rite? but den..had no choice cuz there juz seems 2b so many stuff tht i wanted 2put in, so many lines, so many situations..it got me thinking : has it become MY show instead of my group’s? i know they’ve entrusted me wif d script so i shud hv a free reign but am i doin justice to it? on a personal level my ans is yes but it’s gonna depend on ms jacq of cuz =(

So..a longer weekend cuz itz wesak 2mr (2day), so i shud theoretically hv enuf time to finish bio revision + chem midyear pprs + maths midyear pprs+ anything else tht i forgot.

That’s all for now. It’s getting late n my bed is calling! So..to all, happy revising for midyear n dun get stressed out yahs?

p/s : it’s sick season now! do take care n if ur under the weather, here’s wishing u a quick recovery =)

Yesterday’s Drama Workshop was Fun! Well, to a certain extent, that is…I guess there reali isnt such a thg as maxed-out satisfaction..All those activities were great fun - the music role-play, the one where the shorter one had to stand behind the other, the walking part…but then i guess i was pretty distracted throughout, worryin bout stuff (as usual la, wad do u expect frm u guy who hears ‘Addicted’ and ‘The Reason’ in his head throughout common test? cant reali focus).

      Anyway, one thg tht’s NOT so fun n yet cud b potentially fun is, of course, our drama assessment coming up after the hols. Maybe it’s just me, but my group’s doin a love story AGAIN. v did it during d eap practice last month, did it yest during d pair role play, n v’re gonna do it again nex month! Kinda crazy? i duno..i guess wif d cast at hand, the oni logical theme was love, and a Sad+ Funny one at that…Sad and funny? Kinda contradictory rite..but i guess i’ll find a way around it when i write d script n v finally start practice.

          Hurm..the oni thg is, hv2 find suitable theme song(s).That’s the tough part, considering i’m not reali up to date wif d latest song developments..gotta rely on other group members =) Still, it’l b reali fun if v can put up a decent performance at least. Hvent done drama since DYC 2003, kinda miss d feeling.

          But then, d most important thg 4now is midyear! So..gota concentrate on tht one 1st n hope 4d best in all other stuff…plus, hv2 make sure dun get sick or distracted n stuff like tht. So..to everyone, take care of urself n dun overstress yahs! All the best!

   So…juz in a flash, the four days of holidays has passed and v’r officially back to the grind =( Did i enjoy myself? Yes! Was I happy? No…

  Well, a conflict of sorts i suppose? Let’s just say watching tv, sleeping, going shopping and plain relaxing (i rate reading newspaper for hours as part of it) is great fun. BUT at the same time  there’s always the tug of conscience reminding me of unfinished work (read: esl investigative study, physics infosearch, maths, fillin my uni forms). Plus, the constant nagging need @ desire to go on9…felt quite bad reali since i was using dialup [rate is proportional to time on9] and i’m not paying for it. Don’t ask me Why i on9, i cant ans u but i’m definitely NOT a net addict! Not full-fledged anyway…

    So… the end of a dream took place…all hopes of catching chelsea went up in smoke. Perhaps i was abit too optimistic in hoping for a 0-5? Well, what’s life without hope anyway? But then again, maybe it’s reali, reali time to evaluate some things. The performance was insipid, listless, weak! Maybe sometimes, u reali hv2 realize when ur simply not gd enuf? When the quality and class is lacking, there’s onli so much effort can do to help u. Hard graft won’t help when ur simply not gd enuf to make the world sit up n take notice of u.

        Being the stubborn person I am, I do believe in the power of hard work despite the evidence staring me in the face. But recent developments hv shown 2me how cruel the world may be and there’s nothing much u can do bout it. Villareal were a hardworking, disciplined side and they went out of Europe simply because they’ve reached a stage where plain effort was simply not good enough. there ARE things called luck, fate and destiny in this world. And their destiny is to be ignored, deprived of glory. Everyone wants an Arse-Barca final anyway. The neutrals do, anyway.

    Wigan is yet another good example. Unfashionable, poor, seemingly doomed for the drop. At one point it looks like teamwork n graft, coupled with courage, would be enuf to bring them into Europe virtue of a 6-8 placing. Now? Recent defeats hv juz shown the glaring lack of class in them n somehow i identify with that. At one point they thought fate was with them…Nevermind Europe, they just wana avoid relegation. Of cuz, they never thought of the Title, but as time passed and with THAT lot of sweat put in, maybe the results fooled them in2 actuali believing they were good enuf for the UEFA cup at least? mayb not the champions league but at least eufa cup would be a great consolation…but now, it’s bin cruelly proven to them tht they’re not gd enuf for that slot as well!

     It’s cruel of course to find that when u least expect it, u find ur dreams (scaled down, of course) are crushed and that in actual fact u’ve bin toiling away like a fool, waiting, waiting  for Something to happen and yet it never does? It’s like watching a dour 0-0 match, waiting for a goal, hoping rather desperately that ur not wasting ur ticket money, and suddenly it dawns on you that the score is 5-4 at the stadium down the road. The goals have decided to rain down there instead n u tear ur ticket in frustration. Surely, saving and saving money to watch a big game onli for it to end 0-0 is frustrating? That’s even if u DO get a ticket!

         Is this blog getting longish? haha…one last thg…watched bicentennial man 2day during eap. It made me think : izit true that sumtimes, u reali kenot change who n what u r? does it reali matter who u r anyway? does everything else get thrown out the window in the face of identity? If you’re It and not Him, then it’s thanks, but no thanks? * Watch the movie to see what i mean, robin williams was great*

        I’m not making much sense here i guess…bin talking in circles as i always do. Anyway, a blog is meant as an avenue for me to express my feelings so.. itz ok if u dun und it, n i dun reali hope u do =) let’s juz say sum frustrations r meant to be released n then that’s tht,end of issue. By the end of the day it won’t b an issue anymore, juz a passing moment in a long, long life (if i do live that long). 

        Three weeks to midyear! It’s Time to gear up for the final push before our ‘annotated’ holidays…Good luck everybody!