Regrets Vs Regrets
Somehow even before i start typing away, i have a feeling that this post is gona b the hardest for me to write in the way i want to express myself. The reason? Regrets are, in my opinion, the rawest and harshest forms of torture one can possibly suffer from. Hounded for life by them, we can never successfully shake off that nagging feeling of shame, sadness, anger, dissappointment and despair whenever images of our past float by in our minds. I dun know bout u, but it’s true for me anyway.
Sometimes it may just be a small regret, something that i feel more embarassed rather than sad about. But at times it can be Something really close to my heart that it hurts.So much so i wished that the earth would swallow me then and there, bury me in its depth forever to free me from having to look at the sunshine around me and yet see only darkness instead of light. I know some things should have been but never was. Some things i should have done but never did. Some things i shouldn’t have done and yet i did! Same goes for things i should and shouldn’t have said; i ended up doing the opposite. The despair that i feel, knowing that no amount of crying, moping or brooding will ever bring me back in time to repair or change things,just makes the regrets all the more painful and unbearable.
If a regret(assuming it’s a big one) is already that painful, what more when there are a few to face? And what about when we are faced with different choices, each of them promising some form of bitter regret in the future? With only one choice to make, which regret should i choose to face later on? If, knowing that all the choices at hand are bitter in nature, wouldn’t it be wiser not to choose any and just sit back?
The trouble with waiting and doing nothing is that the fear of uncertainty of the future appears. I confess I am afraid of what the future holds for me and for those around me. Death, disease, natural(or man-made) catastrophes, human nature, who can control such things? If, by being idle, i end up losing something i treasure, that will be as big a regret as any of the regrets that i know i will inevitably face when i make and act on a choice.When both being active and passive condemn me to the gloom of heart-tearing regrets of different nature and yet equal in the pain that they cause, what should i do then?
Regrets Vs Regrets….hard to choose indeed. Especially when i know(or knew) that whichever i choose (or chose), there won’t be a happy ending. Only pain, hurt and despair await at the end of the road…
